In the ever-evolving landscape of the professional world, assertiveness has emerged as a critical trait for success. Many individuals, however, find themselves trapped in the cycle of people-pleasing, afraid to voice their opinions or set boundaries for fear of confrontation or disapproval. While people pleasing could seem like a way to avoid conflict and secure your job, this behavior could drive burnout, frustration with others and willingness to change jobs.
You may try to do it to promote working relationships, but the problem is that you may encounter coworkers on the other side of the spectrum who focus solely on their needs. In this scheme, when are you considered first?
It is all about balancing needs. As a people pleaser, you put other needs first. If you try instead always to put your needs first, you are perceived as more aggressive. What is in between is being assertive, where you try to find a balance together on how to satisfy both your and your coworkers’ needs.
This article will explore the transformation from being a people pleaser to embracing assertiveness, allowing you to take charge of your career and achieve personal and professional growth.
1. Understand the Root Causes Of People-Pleasing
Identify the root causes of your accommodating behavior. Reflect on past experiences or patterns in your life that may have influenced your tendency to prioritize others’ needs over your own. Analyze the pros and cons of this behavior and which aspects you would like to address.
2. Develop Self-Awareness
Self-awareness is the foundation of assertiveness. Observe how you respond to workplace situations and recognize when you default to people-pleasing behavior. Pay attention to your emotions and thoughts, and consider how they influence your actions. Cultivating self-awareness allows you to identify when you are compromising your own needs and enables you to assert yourself effectively.
3. Recognize Your Superpowers
To be assertive, you must recognize and appreciate your worth in the workplace. Understand your skills, expertise, and unique contributions to the team or organization. Embrace your superpowers! Your ideas and opinions are valuable and deserve to be heard. By recognizing your value, you can approach assertiveness from a place of confidence and self-assurance. Start by reminding yourself every night of three things you did during the day that you are proud of.
4. Set Clear Boundaries
Assertiveness involves setting clear boundaries to safeguard your time, energy, and well-being. Identify what you are comfortable with and communicate these boundaries openly and respectfully with colleagues, superiors, and subordinates. Learning to say ‘no’ when necessary is crucial in maintaining a healthy work-life balance and avoiding unnecessary stress.
5. Redefine Expectations
Being assertive is also about being transparent, analyzing and sharing the facts with others. Saying no to a request may seem rude, but it is not about being lazy or an uncooperative coworker. It is about finding the right person and timing to do the job. Instead of just saying it is not my job, simply say, “I am not available now; what about tomorrow at 4 pm”? or “I am not the right person; you should contact John instead”. Instead of committing to finishing a whole project on your own in a short period that seems unrealistic, redefine more realistic needs and expectations. Set milestones, agree on priorities and ask for help.
6. Practice Effective Communication
Effective communication is key to assertiveness. Learn to express your thoughts and ideas confidently and respectfully. Be mindful of your body language and tone, as they convey as much as your words. Active listening is equally important; it shows that you value others’ perspectives, fostering a more collaborative and constructive environment.
7. Embrace Constructive Conflict
Assertiveness does not mean avoiding conflict; instead, it means addressing it positively and constructively. Embrace healthy conflict as an opportunity for growth and improvement. Engage in open discussions, present your viewpoints, and be receptive to feedback from others. Constructive conflict resolution can lead to innovative solutions and stronger working relationships.
The transition from being a people pleaser to an assertive leader is a personal growth and empowerment journey. Embrace the process with patience and perseverance, as change may not happen overnight. By understanding your motivations, recognizing your value, setting boundaries, and mastering effective communication, you can confidently become an assertive individual in your career. Remember, assertiveness is a powerful tool that will benefit your professional life and enrich your overall well-being and happiness.
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