“[He/she/they] that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.” — Benjamin Franklin
“The [person] who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely to be the one who dropped it.” — Lou Holtz
“Wisdom stems from personal accountability. We all make mistakes; own them…learn from them. Don’t throw away the lesson by blaming others.” — Steve Maraboli
Early on in my career, I made mistakes. Lots of them. It wasn’t out of malice or intent, it was simply a lack of experience. In everyone’s career and personal life, they are going to make mistakes. It’s part of the learning process and, quite frankly, the only way you are assured to eventually succeed. Truthfully though, it’s not the mistakes that matter. It is how you react to them. Your inner monologue, without fail, will tell you to explain yourself, to place blame and to minimize your participation — the goal being to limit the damage and walk away unscathed. I will let you in on a little secret: This is the worst thing you can do.
Related: 3 Ways Owning Your Mistakes Will Make You Powerful
Saying you’re sorry is hard, necessary … and important
How many times in the past week, month or year can you remember saying “I’m sorry” to someone for something you have done? What was the reaction? There are simply very limited angry responses to someone who genuinely and reflectively says “I’m sorry.” It establishes remorse, but also acknowledgement. An acknowledgement of the failure. An acknowledgement of the action. An acknowledgement of the poor outcome. And remorse for the same. It can instantly mend relationships and allow you to move forward and progress. It also diffuses the situation.
Trying to explain will only exacerbate the problem
In contrast, attempting to explain away your failures invites the exact opposite reaction. Every time you explain why something wasn’t your fault, it’s easier to demonstrate why it was. Every time you place the blame on someone else, it opens the door for a more direct critique of your actions. Additionally, I think you will find that every time your deflections are redirected your way, they will get more intense, more angry and more likely to personally impact you in an adverse way.
Saying you’re sorry is exercising personal accountability and demonstrating strength. Blaming others is just opening a window into your weakness.
Personal accountability is, however, very difficult. It requires you to look at yourself critically. It requires you to stare failures in the face and ask yourself how and why they happened. It requires you to improve. Deflecting, on the other hand, simply requires you to make an excuse, whether truthful or not. There is no reflection necessary, simply an overwhelming desire to bury the problem and to move on. The problem is, you will likely move on to your next failure because, without critical reflection, you simply aren’t driving yourself to improve.
Related: Are You Sabotaging Your Success by Blaming Others?
There are simple, yet critical, ways you can practice personal accountability
So, how do you turn these ambiguous theses into action? There are a number of ways:
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In everything you do, take pride and put in effort: If you don’t care or you’re going to half-ass the assignment, find something else to do, whether it’s a personal project or professional one. The only way to consistently avoid failure is to put all of you into the things you do. Pride shows. Laziness and listlessness do as well.
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Ask for feedback and embrace the negative: Everyone wants to go into a review and hear nothing but accolades. And, quite frankly, for your boss, it’s easier to highlight the good than lament the bad. Because of this, there is often a failure of leadership as well during these meetings. It’s great to hear what you’ve done well, but it’s absolutely necessary to learn what you have not. Before any feedback session ends, you must ask, “What can I do better?” The answer will never be “nothing,” and you will improve because of it.
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Look critically at your work: Step outside yourself and ask, “If I was someone else, would I be impressed by this?” This is hard reflectivity. That said, if you put pride and effort into your work, you’ll likely answer the question with a resounding “yes.”
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Never blame others: Let’s remove issues of unfair bias and/or personal vendettas. The truth is, if blame is being laid at your feet, you likely had something to do with it. Accept and embrace the responsibility. Say you’re sorry. Promise to improve. And then go improve. I promise you there is going to be some discomfort when you do this. I also promise the discomfort will be shorter and less painful than it will if you start deflecting the blame, even if it is warranted.
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Trust others and be a good person: When you trust others and treat others well, you will find you’re not alone when mistakes are made, and you will rarely be the object of blame from those who don’t practice personal accountability.
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Learn from those around you who are personally accountable and ignore those who aren’t: Becoming personally accountable is difficult. But the best of those around you will show you the way. They will be the leaders in your professional environment. Emulate them. Ask them questions. And when you see those consistently casting blame and trying to absolve themselves of their mistakes, ignore them. They won’t be around long.
Related: The Real Reason You Struggle With Accountability — and What You Can Do to Master It
I’ll be honest, maybe it’s that I’m getting old, but it seems unequivocal to me that personal accountability is decreasing. Maybe in this digital age and with the increase in remote work, it’s just easier to be dismissive and hide your mistakes. But “getting away with something” isn’t really getting away with something. Karma is real, and I think you’ll find that it comes back around with a vengeance. In contrast, exercising personal accountability will almost always land you in good stead. I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my career, and I can say, unequivocally, it is only because I’ve failed that I have succeeded.
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